Just had a rather distressing experience!
Distressing by virtue of the fact that it doesn’t occur too often (thankfully)… but when it does what happens is that I suddenly and without warning transition from my normal, placid, happy-go-lucky, fairly good-natured self into a ranting monster yelling out abuse in sheer disbelief at the number of arseholes that seem to populate the world nowadays.
The transformation is so sudden it can be scary. Scares the shit out of me at least. Jekyll and Hyde ain’t got nothing on it!
In fact, I generally have to check in the mirror to make sure I’m still me once the temperature’s subsided. Well, that’s a total exaggeration actually… but you get the drift.
Fortunately (and the only saving grace) I usually manage to retain a hint of a sense of humour. The thought of inoffensive unassuming (even affable) little ol’ me having a right proper rant about something… anything!… always strikes me (in my saner moments) as highly amusing. Not to say bloody hysterical.
Now for you to appreciate the full complexities, richness and flavour of this particular episode I’m gonna need to fill in a bit of background.
So grab a coffee, light a fag, stick your feet up and settle in for a lonnnng read!
Here we go then…
It just so happens that when I’m not in my default state of being a slobbish, incurious, unkempt layabout there’s a few… um… “issues” in which I’m quite interested.
Which is to say that I tend to follow them, keep reasonably abreast of what’s happening with them, and (yeah, I know its gonna be difficult to believe) from time to time actually try to do something about them.
Won’t bore you with the entire list of issues. Its irrelevant anyway. Suffice to say they’re things like folks that abuse the “authority” that goes with the job they do (I’ve particularly got in mind scumbag corrupt politicians, dictatorial fascist-like cops who think they’re above the law, and not forgetting the transnational companies whose executives ride roughshod over any and every concept of morality just to line the pockets of their shareholders, and so on); also things like one country being totally aggressive toward another, to the extent of killing loadsa innocent people and generally behaving like a throwback to the Nazis.
Etc etc.
Now one of these particular issues, not entirely unrelated to the latter incidentally, and the one that is rather relevant to this little rant, is the arms trade.
Let’s not get into all the complexities of it, or the fact that there may be some people who don’t feel as strongly as I do about it, or perhaps even (yeah, I know this is gonna sound unbelievable) disagree with me!
That’s ok. I’m easy with that.
Right, so whilst I now shoot off at a bit of a tangent bear in mind this stuff about the arms trade, and the fact that I’m so… er… “engaged” with it that periodically I can even be asked to write stuff about it. Even in fact, sometimes, get off my sorry arse and turn up at protests and stuff. Purely for the purposes of photographically documenting all the goings-on of course [wink wink]… what with me being a “media activist”/photographer-type person an’ all.
Now, given all these various “interests” (whew, I’m starting to feel tired just thinking about ‘em all) it follows that I’m subscribed to a loada different email lists and stuff.
Prob’ly explains why my inbox always seems so damn bloody full that it takes ages each day just trawling through all the stuff… when I’m not being totally distracted by the zillions of people who seem to wanna show me rude pics, or flog me stuff to make my… er… um… well, a “bit” of me grow bigger. Hmm. I think I feel a bit insulted by the implications of the latter. [Checks once again to make sure its not abnormally small; not that I'm paranoid or suffer from an inferiority complex or anything] Anyway…
Ok, getting back on topic then.
So there am I, just surfaced from much-needed slumber, somnolent and bleary-eyed, bumblingly off in quest of nicotine and caffeine fix.
Fag lit, brimming (and big!) coffee mug in hand (and I’m already slowly beginning to speculate on the state of the whisky stock… just to clarify, this is late afternoon I’m talking about, and yeah, I have strange sleeping patterns) maybe I can leisurely scan through the emails that folk seem perversely determined to keep sending me.
Switch on the infernal machine then and, while its churning through its laborious startup jobbies (useless bastard Microsucks) consciousness slowly begins to flicker into being, no doubt prodded out of its trance-like state by (I’m now on my second round incidentally… already!) that right dodgy pair, Caff and Nic.
What’s this I see? Someone offering a bunch of free photos!
Not the usual virgins/girlie/corrr type stuff either. Oh no. Just as well cos I really don’t need distractions at the mo’. Far too relaxed. And anyway, who was it who told me that SPAM stands for Secret Porn All Month? Well, they were right. So glad that most webmails have a special folder for it. Saves me having to look for it amongst all the other stuff.
Quite serious in fact. These particular free pics that is. (You hadn’t forgotten what I was chuntering on about, had you?) And relevant to a recent protest down in the city about an international arms exhibition that was going on there (er… coupla weeks back in fact).
Apparently one of these pics happens to be (and I quote):
A fat man trying to flog 10 000s of surplus AK-47s through a dodgy limited company whose registered office turns out to be a suburban family home in Nottinghamshire(!)
Hmm. Interesting. In a vaguely “bloody hell, how’d he get into a major arms exhibition that’s supported by the good ol’ UK gov and attended by loads of international big wheels?” sort of way.
And pass over it without much of a second thought. Mainly cos I’m not based in Nottinghamshire so there’s bugger all I can immediately do about it… though its filed away in my sordid little mind for possible future “interest”.
Then I start reading the responses to the message that’ve also been sent through this particular list.
All two of them. Both saying pretty much the same thing (which, given the “choiceness” of the sentiment expressed, I’ll again quote verbatim).
So, the only profound and totally relevant comment the first respondent has to make is:
Why are you commenting on the shape of these people’s bodies?
Yep. That’s it!
And the second?
Seconded. It’s irrelevant, out of order and instantly puts anyone who isn’t comfortable with their body off anti-militarism. And if anti-militarism is at all about humanising those who have been broken down to something less than human…
And this is where my distressing experience happens.
Kicked rudely into full wakefulness (almost to the point of spluttering coffee all over the keyboard) by the sheer utter effing stupidity of this pair of right effing arseholes, I can’t believe what I’m reading!
What’s effing irrelevant you effing c**t of a moron is pedantically picking up on the original poster having described this dodgy arms dealer as “fat”.
Well, you cretin, lemme ask you a question. Is this guy fat or not? Fat as in not skinny. Fat as in rotund, obese, overweight. Fat as a description to help identify the scumbag. Like saying he’s got blonde hair, or brown eyes, or a wart on the end of his nose. Get the picture? A way of describing him. See?
And if he is fat, then saying he’s fat is nothing more sinister (or insulting) than making a statement of fact. Fact, you mental spastic. As in a realistic description of his physical appearance.
So what’s the problem with that? Is realism too much for you to handle?
Cos it might “offend” people who aren’t “comfortable with their body”. Oh diddly-bloody-poo. What a sodding shame.
P’raps he shouldn’t have been described as a man either, just in case it “offends” blokes that aren’t comfortable with their blokeness. (So don’t anyone dare describe me as a skinny middle-aged almost toothless baldy cos I’ll get real offended, even though it may be accurate! I’m that bloody sensitive. Not. I like to think that I can at least handle the objective truth. Apparently some folk can’t.)
The whole point of the statement was to refer to a guy who’s flogging a load of surplus guns through a dodgy company at an international arms exhibition.
Some of the key words here being guns, dodgy, suburban family home, flog (as in selling), and Nottinghamshire. Not, you’ll note, fat!
And if you aren’t concerned about stuff like that then why the hell are you subscribed to an email list that focusses on stuff like that, you bloody plonker?
But not a word about what this guy’s doing. Oh no. Just home in on the fact he’s been described as “fat”.
So the real irrelevancies are the criticisms of that word. But of course they’re too bloody thick to see that.
I really have no time for the steaming idiots who’re stuck so far up their own arses, and so effing bloody precious that you’ve gotta watch every single word you use just in case you may inadvertently offend someone.
Oh dearie dearie me.
So let’s not complain about or protest about the arms trade shall we just in case we offend the arms dealers.
How’d you like them eggs then?
At this point I seriously do wish my vocabulary of abuse was rather more extensive than it is.
And I’m still bloody fuming. Wankers!
Its the do-gooder mentality all over again. The oh so politically correct mentality that, if carried to its logical conclusion, would stop us saying anything about anything just in case we might offend someone.
Just bloody grow up why don’t you, and get a grip on living in the real world.
With a bit of luck you may end up getting shot on the street by some thug with a knocked-off AK47 that he bought from a dodgy fat bloke in Nottingham. And who’s fault will that be then?
And even, with a bit more luck, you might just live long enough to be offended by the fact that you’ve been shot by a thug with a knocked-off AK47 that he bought from a dodgy fat bloke in Nottingham. Then you’ll know what being offended really means. Well, you won’t actually, cos you’ll be dead. See? That’s what guns do. Help people to kill people. Take kids from parents. Take loved ones away. Scare the shit out of people. And do you really think these killers are worried about “offending” people? Or the folk that flog guns. Do you really think they take offence so easily?
So, as I said (or something along these lines), let’s not call arms dealers “arms dealers” cos they might get “offended”. Of course I’m absolutely certain that some arms dealers will be real uncomfortable with being described as arms dealers.
FAT! Get it? Some people are. Deal with it! Or do you want us all to live in total denial of reality you right stupid tosspots? Blind to all the things that contribute to the gorgeous richness and variety in humanity? Effing idiots!
Best thing I can do then, when I next take a bunch of pics, is photoshop ‘em all to make sure all the people therein conform to the same standard shape. Will that be comfortable enough for you I wonder?
So whaddya really want… some sort of society where we all conform to the lowest common denominator and no-one’s allowed to say anything about any feature that might just distinguish one person from another?
Well, you know what you can do with that sort of society, doncha? Stick it where the Sun don’t shine!
Anyway, back to fat people.
Doesn’t mean you’ve gotta think any the less of them, just cos they’re FAT. Hell. Some folk actually like fat people, strange though it may seem. In fact, I’ve known some really nice fat people. Odd though. Can’t recollect any of them being “uncomfortable” with their bodies. And if they had been, I’d only have had one thing to say to them: bloody well do something about it then, or grow up and learn to live with it! Just like lots of us learn to live with what we may perceive as deficiencies inadequacies or imperfections about ourselves. Its part of what’s known as “growing up”. Or p’raps I’m just insensitive. Well, tough. Don’t have a go at me about it though cos I might get offended!
And I seem to recollect that some fat people actually like being fat. Are totally comfortable with it. I ain’t got any probs with that either. Perceptions of fat people, and indeed self-perceptions of fat people, is a cultural thing anyway. In some cultures its prob’ly looked on not just as acceptable but almost mandatory. So what’s the big deal?
And I thought we were supposed to be living in a multicultural society.
Ooh, I forgot. That makes it even more important not to offend anyone at all.
Lets just stop calling paedophiles “child molesters” then, shall we… just in case they get offended. Or rapists “rapists”. And let’s definitely not call victims of crime (particularly gun crime) “victims”… cos that’s real down-putting and patronising. Bound to make them feel uncomfortable.
Bloody hell, now I come to think about it, the list’s endless. Best we all don’t say or write anything at all. Just act dumb. Oops. Can’t say that cos I’ll offend dumb people.
All to do with discrimination really, innit? And that’s absolutely taboo. (Pity these two feeble-minded pricks can’t discriminate between what’s relevant and what isn’t! Musn’t call them pricks though, must I? Cos that’s discriminating between pricks and c**ts. Well, either term’s equally applicable I s’pose. Cos we mustn’t be sexist, must we?)
So, liking FAT people. In much the same way I s’pose that some lads like lasses. Can’t call them lasses of course. Just in case the lasses are uncomfortable with their lassness. So I s’pose its better to say that all lads like lads. Hmm. Well, I know I bloody don’t for a start. I much prefer lasses. Mustn’t say so though cos its bound to be politically incorrect and offensive to someone, somewhere.
And while we’re on the subject, what about humans in general? Musn’t call ourselves human of course… just in case (yep, you’ve guessed it) some humans are “uncomfortable” with their human-ness.
Come to think of it, I for one bloody well am. If it means I’m part of the same species that breeds the arseholes who’re so bloody sensitive and precious that they completely lose sight of the things that really matter. Brainless twats!
So, this FAT guy is flogging thousands of surplus guns through a dodgy company registered to a suburban house in Nottinghamshire. At an international arms exhibition where totalitarian states buy kit to kill people with… not just make them feel a bit uncomfortable!
Now do you get it?
Effing morons! For Christ’s sake get a sense of proportion and relevancy.
Oops. Have I just offended the religious nutters as well? Oh shit.
Hmm. Maybe they’re cops that have managed to infiltrate the list and are playing the part of trolls, trying to divert attention away from the real issues. Which is why they object to the word “fat” of course. Cos pigs are always fat, aren’t they?
Oops, mustn’t say that cos its insulting to pigs. The dear little four-legged variety that is. That I actually quite like. In an “I like dogs” sort of way. Despite the fact that they’re nearly always fat. The animals that is. Which is actually what I meant in the previous para. I do so love these plays on words. So damn useful in making a point sometimes.
Anyway, if that’s the case they’ve dismally failed (in my case at least) cos the fact that there’s some dodgy fat bloke flogging guns through a company that uses a private dwelling in Notts as its registered office is now burned permanently into the old grey cells. Heh heh. Result!
But if they genuinely are anti-arms trade folk then all I can say is they ain’t gonna be much use at a real “event” with a load of cops and other types hurling all sorts of abuse and insults at them. Thick skin compulsory really. Or maybe just a smidgen of maturity. Or common sense. Or the ability to see what’s important and what isn’t. Or, at the very least, to determine intent!
Oh… and another (and final) thought (“thank heaven for that” did I hear someone mutter?)…
How the hell can you ever trust someone who’s so politically correct as to so carefully watch every single word they utter lest they offend someone, or make someone “feel uncomfortable”? Dammit, isn’t that what activists/protesters are supposed to do… make people feel uncomfortable about something (aka “raising awareness”)?
You just can’t know what these feather-brained politically correct do-gooder types really think/believe/feel, or where they’re really coming from. Consequently, can’t trust the deceitful little toerags. Bit like politicians if you think about it.
And if they’re that concerned about not offending anyone why don’t they just shut the f**k up and bugger right off where they don’t/can’t interact with anyone at all?
In fact, now I’ve mentioned it, I’m offended by their very existence!
And they just don’t get that the person they’re criticising or having a go at can be made to feel a bit uncomfortable by their oh so correct comments. Do they? Cos no matter how nicely you may try and wrap it up a criticism’s still a criticism; a condemnation’s still a condemnation. And it betrays the thought (or indeed lack of) behind it!
By all means let’s have some standards and etiquette in our interactions… but for f**k’s sake let them be appropriate and considered.
So basically they’re all just full of shit and double standards. As I said, just like politicians. Unbloodytrustworthy.
Now if, by some curious stroke of Fate, those two idiots should perchance stumble across this little rant (maybe cos some kindly soul sends them the link… who knows [hint hint]), perhaps they’ll feel a bit uncomfortable and… er…
be offended!
Well, bloody good show too. And if they still think that the way that fat bloke was described is more important and worthy of comment than what he’s doing then they need to get themselves signed into the nearest nuthouse for some serious treatment pretty damn pronto, cos clearly they have their priorities totally arse about face… which don’t say a lot for their mental state.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject, here’s one of the pics that seems to be at the centre of this little discussion (courtesy of Anti-Militarist Network). And see, the bloke in it (in this pic at least) is fat. Statement of fact. No question about it. Not very fat mind you. But still fat. Possibly a nice bloke too… when he’s not flogging guns to kill people with, that is.
