Mike Langridge 1951 – 2011

“On to the next great adventure“

Look who I’m talking to.

Been in an accident that wasn’t your fault?

Had a trip or fall, at home or at work?

Well I’ve got news for you…it probably was your fault, now man up you whiny bitch!
You should’ve been looking where you were going, or maybe have the sense to know which fucking ladder to use.

And as for those people who want to help you get the “compensation you deserve”
How can you trust anyone who can’t even spell the word for?

Mind you, look who I’m talking to. You probably think that’s how it’s actually spelt.

So I say lets stop this now before it gets so out of hand, we are all so afraid to do anything, just in case someone somewhere decides to sue us.

And lets face it, the world would be a better place with fewer feckwits in it!

–fotddarren

Gone to the darkside?

Have I gone to the darkside?

It certainly feels like I have, I’m writing this on my new phone. The type of phone that has apps (not one of those, Icrap things…I haven’t completely lost it!) still, I do feel a little unclean and I must admit, that I have even downloaded the odd app or two.

I must say that I still believe the majority of apps are pointless and gimicky. Have you seen the add that says you can get an app for working out how to split a restaurant bill? If you need one for that, then you really shouldn’t be out in public without assistance.

Why then am I writing a post on said phone, using an app no less?

Simple really, I just wanted to see if I could. Apart from the eye strain, it seems to work quite nicely. And maybe with this new phone (and app!) I can actually do more posts here, as I’ve been a little bit absent of late ( there is an explaination but I can’t be arsed to go into it, so you’ll have to suffer!)

No promises
—fotddarren

I can’t believe how long it takes.

Thought you’d got rid of didn’t you…well ha! not that easy.

It may have been a while since I last posted anything but don’t think for a second that means I’ve softened and gone all nice…not me, never!

The reason for my absence?

I haven’t had the interweb due to moving house, and have been waiting to have my phone line and interweb switched on.

I can’t believe how long it takes to switch on a phone line…6 weeks!

Yeah, that’s right you heard it correctly, It’s been 6 weeks since I phoned up my provider to tell them I was moving.
It’s been just over 4 weeks since they cut off the service at the old address…so how come it takes so bloody long to switch over?

I don’t know for certain, but surely all it takes is to flick a switch somewhere, be it  software based or an actual physical switch (I’m now imagining some doddery old fella shuffling down a long dark corridor with a big green button at the end!).

I did have to wait for an engineer to come round, I’m guessing so they can check the line, but wouldn’t a phone call pretty much do the same thing? (he was an old fella…coincidence?). You must know the drill…the engineer will call between 1pm and the next millennium, so you have to stay indoors waiting, not being able to go anywhere or do anything just in case you miss the knock o at the door (was almost too scared to go to the toilet…almost).

Strange that an engineer isn’t required when disconnecting a phone line.

The last few weeks have been a little strange, me not having access to the interweb, I couldn’t remember what it was like in the dark ages, before the interweb…what the hell did I do with my time?

Think I may have been mostly drunk, that or…gulp…actually went out into the world and interacted with people, real people not some faceless person called something like acebandit69…

…Maybe I walked to the shops to buy stuff, instead of just using paypal to get all the stuff I don’t really want or need.

Or…I could have read books, actual books printed on paper, with pages you had to physically turn…

…Paid to watch a film at the cinema, or rented a movie from a video shop…

Went to Andys Records and bought the latest album…on, what’s it called again?

Oh yeah…Vinyl

I know…sounds wrong dunnit?

Good job I got the interweb back, don’t need to do all that again…going outside, talking to people…spending money!

I just shudder at the thought of it.

–fotddarren

I may have to…

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Honestly, I may have to start writing lists and tying knots in hankies…something, anything to help me remember stuff…

I left work yesterday on a break, walked all the way home and just as I got to the top of the road my house is on, I suddenly realised I’d left my damn keys at work!

So I had to stomp all the way back to get them, and then get back home again.

Bloody stupid arsing idiot.

It’s not like I had a particularly long break, half of it used up with the walking back and forth from work.

So knots in hankies it is then…

–fotddarren

Just because…

…I hate them too, so this post by the daily mash had me in stitches!

APPLE TO RUIN YOUR LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN

–fotddarren

It finally got me.

It took it’s time but I think it has finally got me…

That damn hangover I was expecting a couple of weeks ago…well it’s here and goddamn it if I don’t feel like crap!

So bloody typical, I go out and drink copious amounts of booze and wake up the next day feeling fine. A couple of weeks later however, I spend the night at home and wake up the next day with a bloody hangover!

Where’s the justice?

Where’s the fairness?

I never did get my money back!

–fotddarren

Why don’t you learn how to do it properly…

Some cock with a big pen has decided it’s really clever to tag the walls in the toilets at the pub where I work.

Someone needs to go back to school.

I have to ask, what exactly is the point? it’s not like it’s even in illegible English and just makes you look like an uneducated prick.

Also, if you want to draw something on a wall, why don’t you learn how to do it properly…

Image via Wikipedia

So, you think you’re  clever do you?

Really?

Really, really?

Right, ok…I’m sure your Mother would be so proud.

I wonder if I can get my money back?

Excuse me, but can I just ask…

Where the fuck is my hangover?

I paid good money and drank copious amounts of alcohol and it’s been two days and no sign of it…I feel ripped off.

I wonder if I can get my money back?

–fotddarren

Just so it feels like I’ve achieved something.

I’ve just been sat here staring at the damn computer screen, not actually doing fuck all except wondering why I’m sat here doing fuck all…

Why haven’t I just gone to bed, that’s what normal people do innit?

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve checked the emails just for something to do…haven’t had any yet (nobody loves boo hoo!).

I’ve even been checking my Farcebook account, but nobody loves me on there either (Not that I’m too bothered by that).

And now I’ve resorted to sitting here typing this load of rubbish, just so it feels like I’ve achieved something.

God I’m sad, I’ve got nowt to do so I just sit here staring at the computer screen…I really should get a life.

— fotddarren